Addressing the "I need a man" Mentality

Ok I have some feelings on a subject that I really must share. This is about women and girls who don't feel like their life is complete or happy unless they have a man. This saddens me so much because to me it's like they don't see the wonderful creature God created them to be in and of themselves. Don't get me wrong, I think God made man and woman to be together and to complete each other in marriage, but I see so many girls (and women) that dive headfirst into a steamy, lustful, and seemingly amazing relationship with a man, and then two or three months later they're like.. oh that wasn't meant to be.... or he was a jerk. Then she ends up burned and scornful of men. She ends up guarding her heart and then when that man that there's no doubt in her mind God created her for comes along, she's too bitter and resentful of all the other men that have hurt her, that she holds back (or maybe yields him off completely) and misses out on one of the best things in her life. I say this only as a woman who's done exactly as I've described.

Before I got saved, my life was a whirlwind of hot and heavy, wild and racy relationships. During the time I was wrapped up in one of my "lovers" I was happy. I dressed for them, thought of settling down with them, and became just enamored with them without seeing their flaws. After a month or two, or maybe even three... one of two things would usually happen... either they would decide that they didn't really wanna be w/ me anymore and find some way to break up (cheat on me, just dump me, just disappear, use me, string me along, etc.), or they would start getting on my very last nerve and I would suddently see ALL their flaws and all their imperfections and I would find some way to break up w/ them (cheat on them, just dump them, avoid them, use them, or string them along till they get tired of it, i think you get the point :). After the breakup I would have a couple of days to cry it out, suddenly feeling like my heart had been ripped out of my chest, then a girlfriend would call or come by and be like "Girl you gotta get over him... so you going to the club with us tonight.... You gonna show him you are better than that. He'll see what he's missing out on." Alot of you are shaking your head b/c you've heard this little "pep talk". So that Friday night or whenever you put your most seductive outfit on and take 7 or 8 (i'm exaggerating here) hours making sure you look fabulous. You and your crew of closest lady friends strut to the club and you try your best to act like the happiest person on earth while you secretly pray you'll run into your ex. You may or may not, but after a few of these girls nights out on the town eventually you'll pick up (or he'll pick you up) the next man in your life. You'll hold back at first and say things like "He's probly just a jerk like the last one...". But the thing is, he IS, but you're not going to see it until AFTER you're out of the whirlwind of passion and craziness he's gonna take you through.

The problem isn't that ALL men in the world are bad.... the problem lies in us. That's one hard pill to swallow, but the problem is (and was for me) that we're looking for these men in the wrong places and we have the total wrong mindset about it. Instead of waiting for the God who created us to send us the man He created FOR us, we go out with a bow and arrow (hypothetically speaking) and hunt us a man down. We lure him in w/ our cleavage bearing shirts or our booty flattering jeans and stillettos. This is NOT the way God intended relationships to be. So you're probably wondering where I'm headed with this. Well truth be known, I was so wrapped up in this cycle of heartbreaking relationships for so long it did something to me that I thought could never be repaired. It ripped my heart up and made me believe that I just couldn't REALLY and truly be loved. But that is a lie. It took hitting rock bottom and having the man I thought would never betray me to cheat on me and break my dignity for me to realize this: Time and time again men will fail me, but my heavenly Father will always love me with an unconditional love and he will never fail me or betray me, or leave me alone. I surrendered my life to Him on Jan 17th, 2006 in the hospital room after my son Joseph was born. Just two weeks prior I had my heart smashed one final time by someone who I thought loved me. It was like the final blow.... it hurt so bad I honestly thought I would never get over him. I felt like my breath had just been knocked out of me. I thought we shared something special and there he was with her. It turned my stomach to think that he could betray me and our baby like that. But let me tell you, my Lord and Savior has completely changed my life. He tenderly picked up the broken pieces of my lonely heart and not only put it back together but tenderly taught me what true love looked like:

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 1 Corinthians 13:4


This didn't resemble any of my flings of the past. Almost two years later eventually God maneuvered this wonderful man into my life. There wasn't really any doubt that God intended me to be with him. The more I prayed about it the more confirmations I recieved (both from scripture and people who didn't even know the situation).

My whole point here is if you not only trust God with your situation, but trust him with your LIFE... He will never fail you and he will be there when NOONE else is. Trust me I know this first hand. Life is hard. But if you trust Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior you can rest assured that HE can handle anything that comes your way.

If you want me to pray for you or with you plz don't hesitate to send me a message or email. I've always got time for that. amber_picota@yahoo.com